Site Updates

Hello all.  I hope you’re enjoying the site so far.  Take your feet off the table.  I finally sat down and devoted the time to making a couple of site upgrades.  Our focus groups tells us that readability and user experience are through the roof!  And while those things are all very important to us around here, at the end of the day, it’s really just about us working around the clock to bring you the very best and latest in biotechnology news.

I’ve also had some feedback and requests.  Many of you apparently want me to only write about cats.  I think this is because I wrote a series of three (here ,  here, and here)  articles on the topic which got picked up by several legitimate cat websites who were very happy with all the work I appeared to be doing.  Let it be known – I don’t do anything with cats.  I’ve never owned a cat, and historically, most of my interactions with cats have been negative.  But apparently cats are good web traffic, so I will try and pepper some cat posts in.

Some other comments I’ve received:

Haikus

Some have commented that my haikus don’t follow the traditional 5-7-5. structure.  I apologize that my haikus are advanced, but I write in (and adhere to) the more modern “Gendai” form of the art where it’s less necessary to fit the subject into the traditional “structure”; rather the poem takes the nature of its subject and can go 5-7-5-so on.  Look where following traditional Japanese customs got the Japanese.  “With us not being able to eat certain types of sushi” is the answer.  I’m running a classy website here, and I’m not going to dumb my shit down for the masses.  If you’re looking for the Hoboken to my Manhattan, try LukeMarchie.com; real talk.

The FlashPhilly Chronicles

Also, I should note that I’ve been getting a lot of traffic related to North Philadelphia’s very own FlashPhilly.  Within the course of a couple days, I saw an influx of (I’m assuming related) traffic from Home Depot Corp., The US Court System, and the Warrington Township Police Department, where Home Depot is located.  I’ll go out on a branch here and guess that this is because of the photo of FlashPhilly in the shower wearing a Home Depot hard hat (here), which is most likely his own.  I don’t know what happened to the bizarro-world FlashPhilly, but I hope it was something terrible.  I can’t afford to take this blood fued into the violent Philly summer, we’ve lost too many souljas.  Although, I’m almost certain if one of us goes down the other absorbs their power.  If not, and HomeDepot Corp. is on to you FlashPhilly, I offer you one piece of advice: stop taking gay pictures of yourself in the shower wearing your Home Depot hat.  It might not be expressly covered in the handbook, but I’m pretty sure it’s a bad idea.  And seek refuge.  Home Depot is a large and powerful multi-national corporation, they don’t want things like that floating around the internet.  I’ve already moved this website to an offshore server to be safe.  The worst case scenario is that you’d become and internet meme and the whole thing goes to shit.  I would start that process by posting one here but I recognize in my Machiavellian approach that the enemy of my enemy is my friend…actually, I’m going to get it started.

I also got a lot of “Purrsonal Ad” responses on PlentyofFish.  Unfortunately my profile was deleted and I couldn’t salvage any of them.  Most of them were angry.  Some didn’t even realize it was a cat (one woman asked me what was “up” with all the cat jokes).  Actually, looking back on it, that might have been some sort of witty bestiality pun.   Maybe she was the one – I’ll never know.   To quote Wayne’s World, “At least we’ll always have that perfect day on Gordon Street”.