The Phrase “Epic”

Epic shorts?

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For those you that don’t operate in the world of Macs and memes, the word epic has taken on a whole new overly-used application outside the rules of accepted adjective usage.  The accepted use of the word epic refers to “items of impressive greatness or unusual size”.  These wacky kids today use it to describe everything from someone’s pants falling down to grammatical errors.

Now, I’m going to get onto some really existential shit here but follow me – if so many day-to-day occurrences are now considered epic, by definition, nothing can be epic.  Because it’s usage has become so commonplace, no one can possibly be impressed by the uniqueness of anything that is described as epic, and the notion of “epic-ness” ceases to exist.  And what’s the benchmark here?  How did that get shifted so far to the left? 

You have to remember that the event you are describing as “epic” is up against the sum total of all comparable events throughout the course of history.

And I hate to break it to you, that sandwich you “nommed” from that Jewish Deli wasn’t epic.  That road trip you took to Ithaca can’t be compared to the storming of Normandy, and that cellphone picture you took of the neon sign missing a letter isn’t going to make us completely rethink the notion of irony.  None of those things are epic.

For a case and point I did a quick search for the word “epic” on facebook.  Here is what came up:

My Firefox tabs were NSFW

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Ashlee, Samantha, Conor, and James are all idiots.  Yeah, I bet your housework was epic… did you install an elevator yourself?  Because even that wouldn’t be epic.  Brandi gets a pass because she accidentally used the word epic in the correct context somehow.  Thor was epic by the traditional definition, (an extended narrative celebrating the feats of a legendary or traditional hero) but that’s like calling a female dog a bitch, and now we’re just getting into semantics.

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George Lopez

Something like that

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I don’t have the time to keep any of these Latino comedians straight, I just know that I hate Carlos Mencia.  As a corollary to that,  I’m pretty sure I hate George Lopez.  The only thing entertaining about Latino standup would be if they made a version of the Latin Kings of Comedy but were sued by the Latin Kings Street Gang for slanderous infringement.  And although I’ve never seen George Lopez’ show or standup, I’ll go out on a limb here and say that he has a bit about how Latinos use that Speedy Gonzales voice and have lots of kids.  He probably also uses the phrase “holmes”.  It’s like these things practically write themselves.

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The Popularity of Old Nickelodeon Shows

Except that one

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Look, we get it that you grew up in the early 90′s and you are fresh out of ideas for Halloween costume ideas.  But seriously, did you really like Doug that much when you were a kid?

I’m not even sure I would have wanted to be friends with anyone who admitted to watching Clarissa Explains it All or Salute Your Shorts.  At my school  they sat at the lunch table with those weirdos who thought wrestling was real or traded Magic the Gathering cards.  Hate to break it to you, but while you were busy watching Hey Dude, us real men were out stockpiling JC Penny maternity catalogs and experimenting with flammables.

Is a better answer that you are feeling left out of cultural symbols that our generation can identify with?  Other generations have cool pop-culture identifiers like Sinatra, Elvis, or the Stones – but what do we have?  The good news is that not all is lost.

To help, I made a graph of options for more appropriate cultural identifiers for those of us raised in the early 90′s.  If your age is covered by an identifier, it would be acceptable for your use as a generational conversation starter or Halloween costume:

You’d be the only person dressed as a .gif from the AOL Chatroom

Romance>The Bonfire>W4M53

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Pink Floyd

A poor man’s Led Zeppelin?

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It’s seems like all you had to do to make money in the 70s was make music/television/movies/social commentary about drugs and hating the establishment.  Anything beyond that could be pure nonsense and people would just think you were just more knowledgeable in those subjects than they were.  I’m amazed that more people didn’t pick up on this.  What makes me angry about Pink Floyd is how all their songs are complete downers. Yeah, an echoed galactic guitar solo is first thing I want to listen to on the radio in my car before a big meeting.  And what’s up with all the crystals and crop circles and shit?  Didn’t modern science debunk all of those things.  I’m sorry, but in this day and age, I’d like to think being alternative/weird just for the sake doesn’t cut it.

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That Show Frasier

How reprehensibly facetious and unapologetic these two are!

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I have an idea for a show: Let’s take the least popular character from a long-standing television franchise and make a long-standing spin-off catered to the complete opposite segment of viewers than who liked the original show.  Then we’ll cram it down everybody’s throats.

I don’t think it could be possible to hate Frasier more.  I challenge someone to come up with one likable thing about the show.  Do you know how much big market late night talk radio announcers make?  45k a year, Frasier.  Let’s write that one in.  Try paying for a nurse for your angry dad on that salary.

In case you were on the fence, here’s a pro/con list I made about the show: